As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. honest. If you do use one, Id love if you linked or tagged me so I can enjoy your work! A 106-year-old cowboy in Texas recently passed away. No membership required. ". (Snored. Today you are you! Birthdays Sayings and Quotes. Illustration by Gary Locke Dry So dry the birds are. Dan Rather 0 Copy To me, it's really the heart of Texas. Subscription: Inactive; Credits: 0; View Cart; Help; 900+ Texas Clip Art | Royalty Free. 1. Above all, Texas is a nation in every sense of the word. John Steinbeck, If a mans from Texas, hell tell you. "Moscow mules and sweet tea.". They call her radio station because anyone can pick her up, especially at night.Hes wilder than a peach orchard boar.Loose as ashes in the wind.Loose as a bucket of soot.Wilder than an acre of snakes.She uses her sheet for a tablecloth.He was born on the wrong side of the blanket.Shes found a new dasher for her churn.They ate supper before they said grace.They planted their crop before they built their fence.Theyre hitched but not churched.Theyve got a cotton-patch license. "Inside every older person is a younger personwondering what the hell happened.". He blames everything on the weather or his raising.He got caught in his own loop.He came close to the dollar knife. In three days, no one could stand him. Joseph Heller, I felt a little guilty about jangling the poor buggers brains with that evil fantasy. "Birthdays are good for you. Happy 65th Birthday! Kathy Blackwell is an executive editor at Texas Monthly. After you're done reading them, vote for the ones that you've enjoyed the most and share this article with anyone stuck writing a birthday note! -Travels with Charley, If I owned Texas and Hell, I would rent out Texas and live in Hell. Happy Birthday, my dearest sister. Anybody who wanders around the world saying, Hell yes, Im from Texas, deserves whatever happens to him. Hunter S. Thompson, the journalist, The Texan turned out to be good-natured, generous and likable. If that aint a fact, Gods a possum. He gave me the wire-brush treatment.I got sandpapered.Ill snatch you bald-headed.Ill whip you like a redheaded stepchild.Ill knock you plumb into next week.He got his tail feathers trimmed. Sweeter than stolen honey.Sweeter than babys breath.Sweeter than an old maids dream.He took to you like a hog to persimmons.He took to you like a fish to water.Happy as a boardinghouse pup.Happy as a clam at high tide.Happy as a hog in mud.Safe as Grannys snuffbox.Fair to middling.Pert as a cricket.Soft as a two-minute egg.All wool and a yard wide.Im cooking on a front burner today.If I felt any better, Id drop my harp plumb through the cloud.If I felt any better, Id think it was a setup.Fat and sassy.All sweetness and light.This is so good itll make childbirth a pleasure.Fine as frog fur.Fine as dollar cotton.Fine as boomtown silk.Fine as cream gravy.The porch light is always burning.Long as I got a biscuit, you got half. He wasnt born, just squeezed out of a bartenders rag.Drunker than who shot John.Snot-slinging drunk.Drunk as Cooter Brown.Drunk as a skunk.Dont chop any wood tonight; Daddys coming home with a load.Tighter than bark on a log.Ive got the whistlebelly thumps and skull cramps. Funny Quotes on Birthday. On this special day, I just want to let you know that I want to be like you when I turn 70. I thought it was a joke. University of Houston history professor Raul Ramos gives his take on 10 of the most important dates leading to the establishment of the Republic of . - Unknown. -Kelly Clarkson, Sectional football games have the glory and the despair of war, and when a Texas team takes the field against a foreign state, it is an army with banners. Anybody got a room? -Keith Richards, People dont live in Austin to work, they work to live there. -Robert Rodriguez, During the cold war, West Berlin was an exclave a tiny outpost of liberalism surrounded by people who want to crush it. It can be kind of a pain to find the major guidebooks once you land, or youll find them overpriced. Now on to the dark side you will also find several Texas quotes mocking the state and its icons. May your birthday be as beautiful as your soul is lovely. If hes not, why embarrass him by asking? John Gunther, Texas has yet to learn submission to any oppression, come from what source it may. ~Sam Houston, Some folks look at me and see a certain swagger, which in Texas is called walking. George W. Bush, Texas is neither southern nor western. It means you're no fool. They don't treat beatniks too good in Texas. Happy birthday." "Count not the candlessee the lights they give. Now I hope all your wishes come true. Count your life by smiles, not tears. No matter how tough things get, she's seen tougher. -Lindsay McElwee, Texaswas evidently the only place in the known universe, including Louisiana, that actually got hotter after the sun went down. Best birthday, cutie! when youre very mad. Noisy as two skeletons dancing on a tin roof. -Rache Caine, No matter where you go in East Texas, Deep East Texas is always about twenty miles further in than wherever you are. Texas is Texas. Texas is an obsession. Read our. Back then the Panhandle had a panhandle. "May you be gifted with life's biggest joys and never-ending bliss. Jos R. Ralat is Texas Monthlys taco editor, writing about tacos and Mexican food. I'm so grateful I get to celebrate your special day with you. Texan til I die need no translation, right. Wishing you a cheerful 60th birthday. Got a big hole in the fence. Just a small serving. Hes got a big hole in his screen door.Shes one bubble off plumb.Shes one brick shy of a load.Shes two sandwiches short of a picnic.Hes a few pickles short of a barrel.Theres a light or two burned out on his string.Hes missing a few buttons off his shirt.The porch lights on but no ones home.Hes lost his vertical hold.Hes overdrawn at the memory bank.I hear you clucking, but I cant find your nest.Shes got too many cobwebs in the attic.Crazy as a bullbat.Crazy as Larrabees calf. All of us are joining in to say, that may the year which your birthday begins, brings all the special things, that mean the most to you. They hung the wrong horse thief. for when something goes wrong. -Texas Department of Transportation, If you grab enough Texas land, somethin good is bound to happen. One time she wrote about sports. He could talk the legs off a chair.He could talk the gate off its hinges.He could talk the hide off a cow.He could talk the ears off a mule.He shoots off his mouth so much he must eat bullets for breakfast.Hes got a ten-gallon mouth.She speaks ten words a second, with gusts to fifty.Her tongue is plumb tuckered.Shes got tongue enough for ten rows of teeth.She beats her own gums to death.He blew in on his own wind.Hes a live dictionary.Hes a chin musician.She has a bell clapper instead of a tongue.He was vaccinated with a Victrola needle. -Markham Shaw Pyle, I highly enjoy the people down in that area. A smart ass just don't fit in a saddle. -Rosemary Kent, Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States, please pay attention. You were too hard to raise to take chances.Dont dig up more snakes than you can kill.Whistle before you walk into a strangers camp.Dont plow too close to the cotton.A dead snake can still bite.A dead bee can still sting.Dont tip over the outhouse. Even if theyre not American, people know about Texas. This significance of this day is beyond just your birthday. You may all go to Hell, and I will go to Texas -Davy Crockett, Texas is neither southern nor western. May your birthday overflow with downy teddy bears, the comfiest blankets and the loveliest cake ever. He may not be a chicken, but he has his henhouse ways. Robb Walsh. Inspirational Birthday Quotes There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. Hell squeeze a nickel till the buffalo screams. Happy birthday! The general store, the hat: the line between the myth of Texas and the reality of Texas is razor-thin. Manny Fernandez, Dont mess with Texas. Texas Department of Transportation, Id heard about Texas football and how much of a religion it is, but to go to Odessa and experience it first-hand is something different than just hearing about it. Jay Hernandez. Birthday Quotes Happy 28th Birthday Quotes & Funny Captions. Indeed, it's the friendliest way to say "Happy Birthday.". The 60 Best Happy Birthday To Sister Quotes from Heart; Happy Birthday To Cousin; Love Quotes for Him; The 60 Romantic Cute Love Quotes For Her from Heart. Some folks look at me and see a certain swagger, which in Texas is called walking. George W. Bush, Theres a vastness here and I believe that the people who are born here breathe that vastness into their soul. Custom and user added quotes with pictures. Here is your ultimate guide to best quotes about Texas Sip on some sweet tea or have a plate of pecan pie handy as you scroll through! They work to live there. Robert Rodriguez (this is one of our favorite Austin quotes! As dark as the inside of a wolf.Dark as coffin air.Dark as a pocket.Dark as a cow.Dark as a blue norther.Dark as the devils riding boots.Dark as truck-stop coffee. I'm taking your birthday as an opportunity to thank you for all that you are to me. Texas is an obsession. Planning to Visit Texas? 10. -Stephen F. Austin, I must say as to what I have seen of Texas, it is the garden spot of the world. Here are 30 famous birthday quotes for your friends and loved ones: Live long and prosper. Comedian Jim Gaffigan's funny birthday quote is the ideal way to wish a loved one a happy birthday. I can't believe it's already been a year since the last time I didn't buy you anything for your birthday. It was like Austin, Texas. Craig Ferguson, Read More: 25 Famous Quotes about Austin, Texas. Happy birthday, my dear! -John Steinbeck, Dont mess with Texas. 4. George Meredith on counting your years. 500 matching entries found. the Texanist, is a staff writer. If you use one on a website, please link to this post. These funny birthday quotes will put a smile on your face. It's your 60th birthday! Count your age by friends, not years. I thought it was a joke. Before you leave for Texas make sure you have a validTravelInsurance Policybecause accidents happen on the road. Birthday Quotes - BrainyQuote Cherish all your happy moments; they make a fine cushion for old age. Dan Solomon writes about politics, music, food, sports, criminal justice, health care, film, and business. I feel lower than a gopher hole.I feel so low I couldnt jump off a dime.She eats sorrow by the spoonful.You look like you were sent for and couldnt go.Sad enough to bring a tear to a glass eye.He looks like the cheese fell off his cracker. Just popped in to make sure that you have a blast on your birthday. This ain't my first rodeo. Create Account; View Cart; Help Plans and Pricing. Common as cornbread, old as dirt, funny as all get-outhomespun expressions link modern Texans to our rural and agricultural past, conveying the resolute spirit and plainspoken humor of our heroes and pioneers. 3. "You Can Imagine Me as a Kid Growing up in Redneck Texas with Ballet Shoes, Tucking the Violin under My Arm. "Don't just count your years, make your years count.". I love Texas too well to bring civil strife and bloodshed upon her. No hill for a stepper.Slick as a whistle.Easy as pie. But, few visitors know how to use it correctly. In Texas, if you concentrate and work at it steadily, you can traverse your territory by about age thirty-seven. The Texanist: Contemplating the Texas Exit. He told them that for the past 50 years he had sprinkled a little gunpowder on his cereal each morning. Celebrate one more turn around the sun with the collection of quotes about birthdays below. Download high quality Texas clip art graphics. Related PostsThe 7 Regions of TexasThings to Know before you go to Texas70+ Interesting and Fun Facts about Texas. Birthdays are a time to celebrate, reflect on the year, and make future wishes for the year to come. May you have a delicious and partylicious birthday! Happy Birthday For Him Wishing you a Texas sized birthday! -Ninfa Laurenzo, I thought I knew Texas pretty well, but I had no notion of its size until I campaigned it. hapy birthday happy birthday. Dreams are the only things that give you reasons to push yourself ahead. Y'all. Preaching to the choir.Burning daylight.Arguing with a wooden Indian.Whistling up the wind.Hollering down a well. He could draw a pat hand from a stacked deck.He always draws the best bull.Hes riding a gravy train with biscuit wheels.He could sit on the fence and the birds would feed him. -Katherine Dunn, Only Texas could turn defeat into a legendand a song, and a tourist attraction, and a major motion picture. Getty A police officer walks outside of the closed Alamo on April 1, 2020 in downtown San Antonio, Texas, during a stay at home order amid the novel coronavirus outbreak. -Mike Blakely, Most Americans can cover their home state in less than a week. It's your birthday! Don't bother what anybody else has to say, you have changed my life and I will never forget that. - The US death toll from . 2) Forget the present, I didn't get you one. Lets not preach to the choir. So rich they can eat fried chicken all week long. yes, fried chicken is where all the moolahs at! Texas Birthday Quotes & Sayings . Down the road a piece.A fur piece.Turn left past yonder.I wont say its far, but I had to grease the wagon twice before I hit the main road.Two hoots and a holler away. Who are these people, these Texans? George Meredith. Looks like shes been chewed up, spit out, and stepped on.Looks like she was rode hard and put away wet.She looks like chewed twine.He looks like Bowsers bone.I was born tired and Ive since suffered a relapse.One wheel down and the axle dragging.Im near about past going. There Are No Two Sides in Texass Fiery Truck Debate, At Brownsvilles Annual Grito Contest, Its All About Yelling Your Heart Out, The Astrodomes Decline From Eighth Wonder to Eighth Blunder of the World, Mosquito Hawks Are Flitting All Over Texas, I Biked the I-35 Hell Route From Austin to San Antonio So You Dont Have To. Put candles in a pie, and somebody's drunk in the kitchen." - Jim Gaffigan, comedian "I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. Hell eat anything that dont eat him first. Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut. Funny 60th Birthday Quotes. He's yellow as mustard but without the bite. Nows Your Chance. I use a mix of myNikon D810and mySamsung8smartphone these days. Texas literally has a pledge they say every morning. Don't die a copy." John Mason "You are. Todays Texas is exhilarating, exasperating, violent, charming, horrible, delightful, alive. Edna Ferber, author, For all its enormous range of space, climate, and physical appearance, and for all the internal squabbles, contentions, and strivings, Texas has a tight cohesiveness perhaps stronger than any other section of America. Need Texas sayings about girls from Texas? hes crazy. 1. You will also find plenty of Texas sayings about being from here or living here. Her Skill 1 Trading Post buff is one of the highest in the game when paired with Lappland. He was asked on his last birthday earlier this year his secret to longevity. You don't know the Lone Star State until you've experienced Gruene Hall. : Janine Turner, There is a special mystique to Texas. 150 Birthday Quotes 1. The sky is the limit for you. If hes not, why embarrass him by asking? Singers Jessica Simpson, Beyonce, Hillary Duff, Kelly Clarkson and Demi Lovato are a few famous faces who hail from Texas. "There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why." William Barclay Purpose "I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody." George Burns (at 100 years) Respect "You were born an original. Texas is Texas -Senator William Blakley, You may all go to Hell, and I will go to Texas Davy Crockett, Texas will again lift its head and stand among the nations. You dont just move into Texas. You could ride all the way to Big Spring on it and never split a hair.It wouldnt cut hot butter.You could scratch your back with it and never draw blood. -Larry L. King, What do the Texans say? Dream big and make them true, so that one-day people get inspired by your sheer guts. "Being from Texas, I would say I favor a pair of jeans you can wear some boots with." -Jensen Ackles "In Texas, we practically come out of the womb in jeans." -Kelly Clarkson "Texans ain't Texans if they aren't willing to boast about the state they call home." ~Anon "Texans ignored 'better,' long ago forgot the useless word 'good.' He hangs out more often than Mamas washing.Hes like a blisterhe doesnt show up till the works all done. To the best woman in the . 16. -Pete Hamill, Texas is a blend of valor and swagger. Not what I had my face fixed for.Like hugging a rose bush.Nothing to write home about.That dog wont hunt.Id just as soon bite a bug.I dont cotton to it. Some sayings are instantly familiar because our parents or grandparents quoted them; others parallel the indisputable wisdom of biblical proverbs or Poor Richards Almanac; plenty just make us laugh. Even a blind hog can find an acorn once in a while.Anytime you happen to pass my house, Id sure appreciate it.What did you do with the money your mama gave you for singing lessons?Were you raised in a barn?Put that in your pipe and smoke it.Even the chickens under the porch know that.You smell like you want to be left alone.Go peddle your own produce.Go cork your pistol.If you break your leg, dont come running to me.Whatever greases your wagon. 500 matching entries found. Kathleen Kent, Being from Texas, I would say I favor a pair of jeans you can wear some boots with. for that talkative friend. "In Texas, there is a certain honor of being a Texan that is doing something the best that you can." - Matthew McConaughey. That is truer than true! 1. I hope you can continue to celebrate the years on my side. Texas girls are a whole different breed. John Cusack, What you northerners never appreciate is that Texas is so big that you can live your life within its limits and never give a damn about what anyone in Boston or San Francisco thinks. James Michener, I like it here in Austin. Honestly, there are so many funny sayings about Texas that you would get sore as a boil after reading them all. Happy Birthday to you, my dearest friend. These funny 60th birthday quotes will give any birthday guy or gal a good giggle on their special day. Happy Birthday, my sugar lumps! (Throwing up. Welcome to the Return of Glam at the Best New Hotels in Texas, A Head Above: How Barbacoa Paved the Way for Barbecue, Sex, Threats, and Late-Night Phone Calls: The Allegations From Inside Jolanda Joness Legislative Office, Hellhounds on His Trail: Mack McCormicks Long, Tortured Quest to Find the Real Robert Johnson. You are such a sweetheart babe! They dream big dreams and think big thoughts, because there is nothing to hem them in. Conrad Hilton, No matter where you go in East Texas, Deep East Texas is always about twenty miles further in than wherever you are. Markham Shaw Pyle. Inspiring Birthday Quotes "God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well." Voltaire "You were born an original. Did we forget any popular Texas idioms and sayings? Shes frying size.Hes knee-high to a grasshopper.Hed have to stand up to look a rattler in the eye.About as big as the little end of nothing.Half as big as a minute.No bigger than moles on a chigger.Scrawny as Ace Reid cattle.Nothing between the horns and hooves but hide.Thin as a bars ear.Thin as a gnats whisker.Thin as store-bought thread.Thin as Depression soup.Thin as a fiddle string.Thin as a rake and twice as sexy.Flat as a fritter.Scarce-hipped.So skinny she has to stand twice to make a shadow.So skinny you could give her a Big Red and use her as a thermometer.So skinny she shades herself under the clothesline.